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My Story

Integral Theory, Sovereign Art Revolution, Natural Law, Misogyny-Gender Imbalance, Sophia's Correction and True Friendship

At age 11, I got serious about writing, painting, and composing music on the piano. My first poem pondered what existence and consciousness were as they were the biggest ideas I could think of. A few years later, my older brother in college taught me about Socrates and Buddha, while going on cool beach adventures to meditate and question the boundaries of society. And I fully agreed that the “unexamined life was not worth living.” I wrote songs about these philosophers performed at my mom's church, and the first composition I played at the elementary school talent was titled “FREEDOM,” reflecting my core value that would remain forever. (And as a musical note, it was composed with the seven primary modes, including locrian!). At a young age I was very aware of the spiritual warfare and could see evil hiding in the fabric of reality but I did not have the knowledge to articulate what was actually going on (until now) as it was all on an intuitive level. I continually questioned authority and was very skeptical of all institutions and their “rules” and “structures” and the dark feeling they gave me inside. Peace and inspiration was found with creative adventures in nature, excitement with climbing roofs, rocks, and trees, and joy with personal development of writing and retreat in the fantasy of world of music and art. After my father died when I was 18, I got into New Age Spirituality as the topics of immortality, death, and higher consciousness became relevant and I participated in the electronic-rave revolution with LSD experimentation that would expand my consciousness. Working in many bookstores for several years, I read from an eclectic range of sources, also getting into esoteric sciences, particular astrology and its relationship to consciousness.

Four Quadrant Art (I gave a similar piece to Integral-Institute called Original Face)

Jana Espiritu-Santo (Esp. for short)

However, in the early 2000s I quickly saw the problems of the New Age, including pseudo-science, belief systems, and irrationality (excluding astrology in the fashion I studied it). Consequently I was attracted to Ken Wilber's Integral Theory. He was very critical of “Boomeritis”: the egoic illness of relativism/narcissism of the Baby Boomer generation found in the New Age. His East-West evolutionary approach desired holistic and rational models of consciousness that incorporated levels, integrating the deep metaphysics of the East (non-duality) along with the intellectualism of the Western philosophers, psychologists, and evolutionary consciousness researchers/theorists (Clare Graves/Jean Gebser, respectively). And it satisfied my yearning for the integration of science and spirituality. I did some volunteer work at Integral-Institute in Boulder around 2005, along with running an Integral Philosophy group in Santa Monica for 8.5 years (2003-2011). And during which I produced my first electronic music album called “Synthesis.” (I'll put it on the site soon). Regardless of the apparent criticism of Boomeritis, initially my experience in the integral art community was infected with this New Age “spiritual illness;” even the concept of “spiritual ego” (an oxymoron) was taken seriously. The inauthentic relationships I formed were shattered (Natural Law) and with no where to run or hide my own “calcified ego” began to break down (true alchemy) and my narcissism exposed. This was the beginning of the “real spiritual path” towards truth, ego awareness/shedding, moral accountability, and shadow integration. I completely changed for the better. Fortunately, I had the help of an older mentor, Eliot Bissey, in which I am grateful for, who was observant to the inherent contradictions in the community and understood the existence of spiritual good and evil. And it was masculinizing my mind that helped make sense of things and take responsibility. Furthermore, he helped me learn how to write objectively, as a writer himself, using writing as a methodology to gain spiritual truth. And to this day writing is my spiritual practice where I write ideas down and test their veracity using the Trivium with receptivity to higher illuminations. He used Wilber's theory to integrate truths and discard errors of certain topics (whereas Wilber in practice [not necessarily theory] suffered from some of the positive-bias of the New Age focusing on “integrating truth” (as exposing errors hurts business!). Additionally Eliot got me into J. Krishanmurti who helped me recognize the evil of spiritual authority as there is no middleman for truth and Harold Percival, who had an extensive (esoteric) metaphysical system incorporating the law of thought and the Immortal Triune Self.

Wilber's model of consciousness with four quadrants and four zones as eight perspectives of reality.

Later, I parted ways from the integral community not only because the experience of my transformation was generally foreign to them when such a community should have embraced that, but also because of the political propaganda and failure to recognize the control system of human slavery. After researching the conspiracy facts of 911 in 2005, I returned to the works of David Icke and Alex Jones, now with more evidence available on the web of the unified network of conspiracies. Red Ice Radio also provided me great information and I was influenced by G. Edward Griffin and the philosophy of individualism, which opposed collectivism that served the political oppression of human rights (the root of globalism/the New World Order). Michael Tsarion also inspired me as one of the first individuals I discovered who integrated spiritual development with the awakening to the dark powers of the world, showing the correspondence between the individual and collective shadow. And this is what I found to be particularly lacking in the integral community of positive-bias and blind support for the political matrix. Furthermore, there was the promoting of “spiritual authority” and inappropriate behaviors with a cult-like vibe from Mark Gafni and Andrew Cohen, whom many have spoken out against and who continue to evade any accountability. (When and if they do, I will modify what is written here). Nonetheless, I did benefited greatly from Wilber, as his desire to integrate the truths of the main philosophers still remains a passion for me. Mark Manson has a good article titled The Rise and Fall of Ken Wilber, another individual who learned from integral philosophy, but ultimately had to go his own way in regards to the community.

Illustrator David Dees

From Glitz and Glam of the city to Cozy Desert Parties, all an expression of JOY

One of the best videos on the 911 Conspiracy: 911 Mysteries by Sophia Smallstorm

At the time, around 2012 I had to put philosophy aside due to deep confusion about philosophical matters and I switched into ART mode. After leaving a career in science as a lab technician of which the later years were in the analytical chemistry field, I came to love myself enough to have to courage to take a leap of faith and the risk of being an artist. The catalyst, ironically, was an activation I personally had during an illness on Dec. 21, 2012. While initially skeptical of 2012, I felt light energies radiate from afar upon me bringing me inner joy and sense of freedom and love I had never felt. It was a very tangible experience. This happened after I had a negative experience with a “dark shaman” and had to heal from some demons that resurfaced, which attached to me during the grieving of my father's death. I decided that my life's work would always be about joy and created Cosmic Tech Lab from that premise. A pink dolphin became my mascot to symbolize this. I quickly developed the trade of “cosmic face painter” for music and art events in Hollywood and West LA at the beginning of 2013. After attempting to approach art as a business, I quickly realized that this opposed the love and spirit in the true expression of art. In body painting this expression is based on genuine connections with people, which money made ugly. And so in a short time, especially with the influence of the festival scene, I became “donations-based.” As a car camping street artist, I would “pop-up” literally on the street, the boardwalk, at clubs, and at random events with my portfolio and mobile gear hoping to be able to paint and can't remember ever being let down. It was that spontaneity and local support for artists that I loved about LA and their desire to stay cutting-edge. In a sense you could consider my “art methodology” to be social artistry, as the spontaneous creations of human intimacy in designing something totally unique as a celebration of the individual. Being an artist become a spiritual practice as I had independence and freedom from the slave-labor world that feeds off fear and misery with a work ethic contrary not only to human bodies but human souls. In solitude I worked on polarizing fear into love and transcending money as much as possible by focusing on “giving,” and having faith in donations. Fortunately I lost my materialistic desires, particularly woman's consumerism (clothes, shoes, makeup, etc.) that exploit female nature and kept me trapped in the Matrix so that I learned to only buy what was absolutely necessary. Even though I loved the combination of art and female beauty (makeup art), I would eventually cease to wear makeup and aesthetics would evolve to become other things. Ultimately, I felt more free in letting go of the illusions of the world to be able to examine society without being within it, consequently the control system would become unmistakably obvious as even the city design resembled a prison!

Philosophically, I finally came clean to myself that I was still stuck in a relativistic mind set falling for the “spiritual authority” of others that led me off course many times, not to mention all these hot intelligent men pretending to be shamans, LOL. In theory I knew that relativism was to be transcended by higher consciousness into universalism (i.e. Wilber), but I didn't know how to get out. So I specifically asked the universe to help me. At the same time I wanted to create a comic book with an allegory to the caliber of the Matrix movie, but needed a philosophical upgrade. Strangely, while doing research for the comic book project within days of clarity to my philosophical confusion, I discovered Mark Passio's interpretation of The Matrix Movie. I instantly realized that he had gone deeper than other philosophers and went straight for the Natural Law Seminar for the Cosmic Download. He had the key missing pieces of information I needed to make sense out of a what I already knew to help me go “all the way with truth.” It was so clear, simple, and deep. I was able to exit all the rabbit holes I was stuck in, due to inadequate metaphysics from mind control, and was liberated by seeing authority for the complete illusion that it is. It literally felt like I had removed the sticky diabolical tentacles keeping me plugged into the matrix to a level of freedom that was totally grounded. And it was my life as a sovereign artist that prepared me for this. However, instead of getting good ideas for the comic book, my life forever changed and my love for philosophy was revitalized. Ask and yea shall receive, indeed! Mark Passio had exhibited all the traits of the “integral consciousness” that I had studied many years with integral theory, even appearing as “condescending” and a “know-it-all” hehe. And then I knew that it was true that integral consciousness had nothing to do with integral theory, which was closer to universal knowledge than the new age but not close enough as to be a “proxy.” After this awakening, my art/light and the city/dark became more polarized and I was even more of an outsider, feeling an energetic expulsion from my surroundings. In response, I decided to make a trip north listening to podcasts all the way stopping by San Francisco to visit family, and when I arrived at the Hollywood library in Portland I decided to get back into philosophy. Now that I OWNED my own MIND for the first time and understood the basic aspects of reality (consciousness, manifestation, laws, the trivium) I could learn anything. And order was important as to start with the basics and move from simplicity to complexity. And while I felt that I had already verified much of Mark's work in my own life, lacking the models of articulation, I still wanted to find a lot of answers to things myself and test out the truth of Natural Law, as learning is a never-ending process. So I read the Idiot's Guide to Philosophy to get an overview and then later hit the reference books and to the philosophers themselves. While Wilber's Sex, Ecology, Spirituality analyzed many philosophers in the premodern/modern/post-postmodern context, I realized that I had to do that by myself now and that I could not accept the authority of Wilber's “filter.” And on my own, I learned that premodern philosophers got a lot more right than Wilber had thought, falling for the 'evolution fallacy' (that evolution is a product of time). It was Aristotle who particularly stood out to me like the Objectivist/Ayn Rand camp, as having solid metaphysics, that in my opinion has been misunderstood through the years as being scientific reductionism.


PHILOSOPHY NOTE: I discovered that Integral Theory was still stuck in (moral/cognitive) relativism under the guise that it wasn't (subtle relativism). While Ken Wilber acknowledges that a characteristic of higher consciousness is to have universal truth and integrative frameworks, also understanding that lower consciousness is relativistic and denies universal truths, he contradicts himself many times and remains relativistic himself. In Integral Spirituality he follows the postmodern view that objective reality is a myth of the given (Sellers), but in order for universal truth to exist it must be pre-given and objectively real. His style of relativism is an upgrade from the Ancient Relativist Protagoras from “perception” to “perspective,” following in the corrupt lineage of Kant. While he states “the unavoidable existence of cultural-contexts does not mean that there are no cross-cultural truths or universals,” he later states that “everything is absolutely relative to everything else.” To me this is uncovers the casual factors for WHY the community went so sour and no moral accountability was found. Post-postmodern theory was an evolved version of postmodern relativism it pretended to evade. “Integral Post-metaphysics” was the part of the destruction of metaphysics, which is the foundation of truth. Ayn Rand's Objectivism goes into this, while she had many other things wrong (i.e. no evolutionary model, belief in statism, promotion of egotism, etc).

Painting in Oregon was a joy but the “authorities” weren't that cool. This man on the right helped me get back on my feet after seeing me sobbing on the ground after being asked to stop painting at the Oregon County Fair. He asked me to paint his face and so I set up again in a different place and a bunch of children came my way after.

The Amazing Connections and People I met of all Ages supporting my Exit from the Matrix

Original Face Art and Social Artistry: the spontaneous creations of uniqueness brought forth by a living canvas and the joy co-creation.

Face painting became difficult as Oregon event folks did not appreciate the pop-up artist, make-it-or-break-it hussel. Even though I was not charging, simply had a donation box, providing performance art (VALUE ONLY), I experienced a lot of rejection from the contractions of authority that crush the human spirit (i.e. bureaucracy: an alien language to an artist). One time after getting kicked out of a market for not having a permit, I packed up and moved across the street and painted people there in an act of loving rebellion (but I did get lonely and sad and wrapped up early). But in the end Oregon did lift my vibration and was pushing me in a completely new direction that happened organically, as I received support from KEY people who saw a potential in me that I did not know I had. Eventually, I moved to Ashland, after having the opportunity to work at the Prana festival 2014, as my last formal face painting gig. And immediately, I became a Natural Law and Animal Rights Activist sharing the information I was learning to whomever I could. Part of the valuable information I received was understanding the importance of how ACTION manifests reality. Whereas before I saw activism as negatively polarizing and imposing, I now saw it as the will for the GOOD as people NEED knowledge in order to do good. (The New Age tends to focus exclusively on how thoughts/feelings create reality dissociating from actions. But it is in actions where the moral boundaries can be crossed with violence and violation to others, such as theft (theft of life, property, rights, and truth). The problem is that much of the New Age compartmentalizes “harm” onto outlier criminals, failing to recognize that it is embedded in a criminal system itself of war, slavery, and obedience; evil that EVERY ONE participates in.) With moral conscience and CARE for other species, I became VEGAN after being an occasional diary and fish eater, and saw the connection between the human system of slavery and the animal one. Watch Earthlings! After bouncing from many local libraries all through out my Oregon adventures I was finally about to settle at the University Library where I had access to many Academic books on philosophy, integrating knowledge from the Truth Movement, particularly studies of the Trivium. And I was fortunate to find people who supported my goals there with donations. In January 2015 I finished a main article called: The Trivium/Natural Law, Veganism, and the New Age, only to be followed with a book project on metaphysics.

In Ashland I found a home at Lithia Park where I could study and make healthy vegan salads to eat, along with rigorous study at the university library.

Meme-making as a part of ACTIVISM. Please share wide and far!

After animals rights, I pursued men's rights activism, inspired by Mark's neo-feminist podcasts. I woke up to MISANDRY (systematic male-hatred) influenced by the socialist-feminist agenda, and the fact that men were the targets for oppression (i.e. laws/taxes, media emasculation) as the builders of civilization. Women's material and social demands on men (to increase money and status), aggravated by mind control targeted towards their hypergamy, was being used as fuel for the system. It was quite shocking to realize but being so far in the Truth Movement, I couldn't turn away from the female shadow. And it connected me with the death of my father, who was enslaved to a satanic corporation in aerospace to support our traditional family, eventually dying from an illness he contracted there. I had to admit to fact I had been part of this, and feeling a new level of compassion for men, I made my Apology to Men Video. However, pursuing gender issues was like opening Pandora's Box, and in a short amount of time I received dozens of comments from MGTOW men (Men Going Their Own Way) lashing out with incredible anger towards myself and women, claiming that the issue was not social conditioning but female nature (hypergamy) and that we could never change so my apology was a joke. This was a way bigger issue than I had imagined and the nature vs. nurture distinction became blurred. Not too far after, I fell in love with a man, in which we both shared a deep passion for philosophy and “truth”, which was mostly all we talked about! He was into mgtow and we started exploring it together as I wanted to know more to find the “truth about women” (red pill knowledge). But sadly he ended up being a sociopath misogynist and leveraged the whole gender thing against me.

Mgtow critiques women to the core of their being, seeing female nature opposed to man's freedom and parasitic to him, and so they advocate moving away from women and society all together. If you haven't heard about this group I recommend checking them out as this is a growing epidemic and as woman-hating as it sounds their arguments can be highly rational. They describe female nature as being emotionally needy, narcissistic, and selfish and exploitative of men, disposing of them carelessly if they would not meet their needs. They also point out how women use sexual currency as means of control and social climbing, for ultimately selfish reasons. I simply could not deny this, as I saw much evidence for it. This combined with my empathy for suffering, in this case men's suffering, lead to a misogynist infection within myself. And this followed suit with the classical philosophers I was studying, whom placed the masculine as higher in virtue than the feminine; the founders of mgtow also being philosophically-inclined. It was easy for me to associate the genders hierarchically and the masculine with independence, freedom, individualism, morality, rationality, courage, and clarity, and to associate the feminine as dependence, desire for authority, collectivism, emotionalism, irrationality, weakness, and ambiguity. Feminism as a school of philosophical thought influenced postmodern relativism and its opposition to rationality, metaphysics and the masculine standard. Also in regards to male superiority, it became obvious that men's achievements outweighed women by a large margin not only as the outliers but the medium (in all fields involving knowledge and art, i.e. science, technology, philosophy, history, fine arts, architecture), and that society was trying to pander to women with false equality (feminism), so that acknowledgment of male greatness would be suppressed. As a female philosopher, I had to admit that I was a minority not because of oppression but because of actual gender differences and this confused me.

I think it is important for me to write about misogyny as a philosophical trap for those who go too left-brained, which the West is criticized for. And I write about my personal story not only to inspire but to warn others who can learn from my mistakes and the darkside of philosophy. Ironically, as a compensation for a right-brain imbalance with art, I too would experience left-brain imbalance. And this was influenced by my thirst for knowledge with a library schedule of intellectual rigor for most of my waking hours. It was the combination of my masculine-oriented mind, which most female philosophers have, and female self-loathing that sadly emerged from the false love of this relationship that caused me embrace the mgtow perspective. And while there is a lot of truth there to be explored with transforming the female shadow, the root of misogyny is that it alienates the feminine entirely and ultimately love, the expansion of consciousness, when this is required for holistic knowledge. (And it is the evil arrangement of partial truths that will lead you to chaos). I thought that love was in my relationship at the time, fully deceived, and allowed my ex to convince me that “truth comes before love.” Perhaps this is a statement from Lucifer/the devil himself, who's danger is in the fact that he appears to be “reasonable.” According to the Valentinian Gnostic perspective on Sophia (the goddess myth), she attempted to know the Father through the mind alone and thus fell from divine fullness creating the polarized universe. And in my own life attaching to the mind, where the misogynistic perspective made sense as there is no more brutal a critique of women than from the cold detached masculine mind, caused everything to fall to shit in a matter of months! But through these kinds of lessons, we reinforce understanding of universal truths and in particular here that LOVE really does come before TRUTH! And perhaps it is the feminine in me wanting to share such a story! There was not real love in my relationship and therefore no chance for truth. And also the lesson of the value of FEELINGS as containing vital information in themselves: feelings do matter, which I was dissociated from! A lot of my criticism towards the new age turned onto women and the feminine that promoted emotional bias and emotional mind-control that fully supported relativism. Groups and events advertising “goddess power,” and the “divine feminine” seemed to be really promoting female narcissism, vanity, and sexual power, concealing feelings of inferiority. However, amidst these partial truths I was extreme and infected with this mind-virus. Consequently, I would actively promote mgtow on-line and even at FYM conference upsetting and alienating many people. I even switched my philosophy book to integrating MGTOW and METAPHSYCIS, which was the highest-quality rationalization of misogyny I have ever seen, if I can brag about being bad! But inside I was really dying, thinking that it was just the truth that hurts, feeling intense self-loathing, falling for all the lies and gas-lighting in this relationship and the multitudes of men who condemn female nature.

But Natural Law would soon kick my ass from the pathological masculine within myself, as all imbalances manifest karmically. And fortunately this was quick too, as it was really the truth I sought, eventually leading me to correct my former views. Mgtow's investigations into female nature seemed accurate at the time, but they were severely biased as to see women's lower nature (manipulative, deceptive, and controlling) as the entirety of the feminine (reductionism). While mgtow takes a negative view on hypergamy, I actually learned that some of the “female needs and demands” on men, aside from those that support enslavement (i.e. the “successful corporate man”), can actually help men evolve to have greater influence and power in the world in general. He represents “becoming,” while she “being.” Emasculated men see becomingness and development as a burden and will reject women who by nature need that from them, yet women can give the guide, clues, and support to his actualizing potential, which lead to greater freedom. Now that I am gaining more balance in my perspective, I'm realizing that the superior traits of women are simply more hidden, as it is the nature of the feminine, to be subtle and covert, which can appear to be inferior to the overtly measurable aspects of merit. While the patriarchy doesn't exist in the way that we think, such as men dominating women, the dominator-hierarchy does indeed exist and exploits man's excellence and strengths, which may be why male superiority is more cultivated. True feminine superiority (not of the goddess worship kind!) is obviously undeveloped in a brainwashed society that requires masculine strengths to run the military-industrial-complex, while the monetary system requires the weakness of women (materialism/consumerism). It is impossible for us to separate nature from nurture, humanity so embedded in this corrupt system, but we know that the gender war is socially engineered and intuitively that the genders are a unified harmonious pair amidst their inequalities (as all dualities are integrated by a trinity). It is interesting that during this time Michael Tsarion is looking into the Female Illuminati that may be controlling things behind the scene. And it is behind the scenes that the feminine rules, as well as  the esoteric and occult side of philosophy dealing with reality-creation, (true) magic, and intuition. Masculine philosophy on the other hand rules over logic, morality, and LAW. Holistic consciousness is the goal for each individual to integrate these. Currently, I take the perspective that gender is all three polarities: heterarchical, and hierarchical with both masculine superiority (overt/obvious) and feminine superiority (covert/subtle), all depending on context/content.

Getting Started on your compassionate raw vegan diet: eat LIVING FOODS not DEAD ones! Better for you too!

Darkside of Philosophy

This painting is titled: Philosophy by Gustav Klimt (1899), displayed at Vienna University. While many professors there did not like it and thought it had nothing to do with philosophy, I think it illustrates the darkside of philosophy that can lead to enslavement in the mind, in the absence of divine illumination and feminine intuition.


Unknown artist. The Goddess/Holy Spirit Representing the Gnostic Sophia

SOVEREIGN SISTERS with compassionate Natural Law Anarchy

The crisis events of awakening from this wicked “love spell,” in which I thought I was gaining truth about gender but really destroying my self-esteem and worth as a woman, occurred with a trip back to California. This was to visit my friend Rose, my Sovereign Sister. A year after meeting in 2013, we experienced mutual awakening to the Natural Law information which deepened and intensified our friendship. She always supported and deeply understood my artistic pursuits of freedom and sovereignty and gave me a place to crash, where we would be constantly stimulated with adventure, knowledge, and exploration. So part of the visit was to attend the Free Your Mind Conference 4 and then spend time together back in California. Upon the visit, I was trying to conceal the deep self-loathing I was experiencing that felt even suicidal at times in seeing the “defect” of my own nature. But with her loving energy and sense of humor I started to feel my heart and soul again, slowly being warmed up, with glimmers of self-love I cultivated in the past. And this was threatening to my ex who was with us and maintained cold detachment, seeing the feminine as childish and superficial. After the conference, Rose and I would both experience life-changing events that would really FREE OUR MINDS, as we were both under mind control to a certain extent in our personal lives, me with a love relationship and her with her family. In a way the conference was merely the introductory act. My ex finally revealed himself as the sociopath he was with the typical (textbook) “grand finale.” After physical intimacy, he gave me a shocking confession about the lie of our relationship and his violence to past women, attempting to physically attack me. Fortunately I got away from him as my life was clearly in danger. The next day, he returned in attempt to reconcile things (with gas-lighting in retrospect), but we were immediately arrested for some DMT experiments the three of us we were conducting at Rose's house (watch: DMT: Spirit Molecule). And this arrest would involve the issues she was dealing with in her family. Even though the arrest was unlawful as a violation of our Natural Law rights, in many ways it saved me from my ex, who I fully realized was on a mission to destroy me spiritually, mentally, and even physically. And while we used psychedelics for spiritual-philosophical reasons, I suspect certain entities contacted through them were working through him. (If you are interested in a great article about the pros/cons of psychedelics check out Bernhard Guenther's article, and allow my story to warn you of the dangerous psychedelic entity wormholes!) Such a crisis was necessary to fully expose my mental errors and spiritual blindness in severe mental gender imbalance, disconnect from the heart and false love. Natural Law). Without crisis, one can suffer a lifetime of error that is too subtle to exteriorize into conscious awareness.

For Rose, her mind would also be freed through other extremely difficult events aside from the DMT charge brought up against us by her family member. This person was threatened by Rose's new found sovereignty and experimentation in consciousness in fear it may expose a deep family secret. In addition to being paraplegic since 2005, Rose suffered many injuries, illnesses, and surgeries (such as removed or altered organs and broken bones). After our truth awakening, we knew there were CAUSAL FACTORS to her issues, and thought that Ayahuasca/DMT could help bring to light. But ultimately she didn't need it, and the experiments failed anyhow. Near the same time of my attack, she also had an accident that brought memories of horrific family abuse to the conscious level that were being circumvented with her physical problems. With this missing piece of knowledge, she was able to make sense of her life and had the courage to break free from such family ties to end the victim-cycle. Even though this left her alone without a place to live for a while, her spirit never broke and she never played victim, caring about doing what is morally right all along the way. Her perseverance and commitment on the path of truth and sovereignty would be at whatever cost in order to free her soul! And admists the horrors and struggles, she would maintain lightness and humor in spirit .

The TOWER card In Tarot (Morgan-Greer Deck) Karmic Cataclysm

After being in jail for three weeks in May of '16, I was able to get out under the condition that I would live with mom who was nearby. With her unconditional love, I was able to start a new direction, completely severing contact with my ex. Regardless of the corrupt laws that deviate from natural law when man attempts to play God, I recognized that I had went down a wrong path, dissociated from my own feminine nature in pursuits of knowledge. And I was blessed with many friends that helped gain my sanity back. As the correct response, I apologized to many people I offended and abandoned the twisted turn of my book project, taking a break from writing altogether. I was now aware that my mind could be used for evil under the pretense of “truth,” heightening caution of every step forward. For awhile I still felt ashamed for female nature, feeling that all this drama was a manifestation of, such as my submission to the authority/control of my partner, my naivety, feelings of inferiority, and self-vicitmization. But every true woman on the path of growth must confront the female shadow and the dark polarity that swings from narcissism (extreme subjectivity) to martyrdom (subservience). The path of healing consists of self-forgiveness and self-acceptance as well as transmuting such weaknesses into strengths and this is the true feminine feeling that we must all embrace. And while at one time I considered women's attention desiring displays to have little value, now I recognized that women can use their radiance and inner joy to share something special to the world with experimental performances, melodrama, and humor to tell the  MORAL story. Perhaps this story I tell is part of the comic book allegory, I was seeking when I discovered Natural Law! And one that Rose, my Sovereign Sister, would help me re-discover, being a talented actress with a huge heart, tapped into the creative expression of the feminine herself. And her compassion for me helped my emotional healing as my insides got yanked out and shredded, my heart had felt raped. She reminded me of who I was before almost got totally wiped out and that spark of divinity within.. She stood by me when I was ill with the misogynist flu, not attached at all to the female ego as most women are. She is also concerned with male suffering and transmutation of the female shadow. (Please note, I am not throwing all of mgtow out the window, just the poisoned worldview!) And true female friendships require the calling out of “cunt or bitch-like behavior” in LOVE of course! And she revived my faith in the divine feminine and the power of the heart with her loving friendship and generous giving nature. She did not lose herself in victim consciousness, which under her circumstances was remarkable, but retained her joyful powerful spirit that does not cower to adversity and truly belongs on stage where she will have a big impact. While the dark forces tried to sabotage our bond, it was our commitment to the TRUTH that saved us. There is nothing more valuable in this world than FRIENDSHIP based on TRUTH and TRUE LOVE. She IS MY SOVEREIGN COMMUNITY in this sea of total madness on the West coast. It starts with TWO!

Inspired by her willpower, courage, compassion, and strength, she became MY MUSE for the next phase of my art career: multi-media fine arts division of Cosmic Tech Lab. And it was this venture into art that would lead me into greater mental gender balance! It is not surprising that the sociopath I was with scoffed at art, seeing it as beneath philosophy. (Sociopaths are generally uncreative, lacking feminine energy with a vendetta to destroy the artistic soul.) In healing from a mind-virus, my first colored mutli-media 3D piece was titled “Sophia's Correction,” in reference to the gnostics story (Nag Hammati). As part of the creation myth, the world was a manifestation of Sophia's separation from the divine marriage in which she sought to be independent through the mind and emulate the highest creation. In error, she created the imperfect realm and the archons and in attempts to correct it feeling remorse, she became part of the world as its laws and evolutionary spirit to lead it back to source. (This is merely one interpretation putting together various sources. Ironically we associate such mental fragmentation with the masculine, but in this myth it is a feminine archetype that is responsible, that seems to fit my story rather exceptionally!) We all come to earth to heal our spiritual fragmentation to rise up and become whole. (Also interesting to note “Rose” was my friend's new name, as in “rising from the dead,” as she “rose out of darkness!”)


On the psychological side, I learned all about narcissistic/sociopathic personality disorders and Complex PTSD which tends to attract that disorder and how trauma is a root cause (for both). (I highly recommend Richard Grannon's work.) And I had realized that this was a pattern in me that I am ready to dissolve. Also in investigating the “spiritual side” as during and after the relationship with the sociopath, I had many paranormal and astral experiences with dark entities. Eve Lorgen helped me understand this who wrote “Alien Love Bite. Her specific area of research is about relationships that seem to have a fated, “spiritual” quality about them but turn out to be disasters involving victim-perpetrator on multiple dimensions, psychic attacks, mind control, the paranormal, and other entities (including aliens, reptilians, etc.). In discovering that dark entities can fill the void when soul fragments partition off through trauma, I had to work on becoming whole energetically and integrating the shadow as the foundation for true sovereignty, which doesn't occur in the mind. The mind will only express the fragmentation or wholeness in the energetic vibration of the individual. And our lessons of sovereignty for humanity are sealing off our boundary punctures in which our energy is being used for food. I personally saw with my own eyes astral parasites in the fourth dimension, and this was not a dream at all. They were gigantic and spider-like with various tentacles plugged into me made of blue light. It was the most vivid and lucid experience in which the specific lighting of the room, focus of my vision and intensity of consciousness brought to bare. I was also inspired by the works of Laura Eisenhower about the divine feminine in working to heal human fragmentation that has created a nest for archons. This experience deepened me to the more subtle and unseen spiritual battles, as I was completely oblivious to many subtle forms of manipulation and mind control, such as gas-lighting, in which an individual challenges your perception in a way to undermine you as to leverage control. Also check out Montalk's work, great stuff!

Eventually at the end of 2016 I got inspired to get back into the writing project. Having my worldview completely shattered, it felt like I had to start philosophy from scratch. And this took many months, which is why re-igniting Cosmic Tech Lab, was a great part of my healing when my mind could take a break. Yet when I got back into philosophy, I was wheeled into libertarianism/alt-right by a few extremely intelligent sophists, familiar with philosophy, Natural Law and the Trivium. It was only a short phase though, as I immediately saw the contradictions, such as claiming that contracts declare “rights” and armies declare “sovereignty,” instead of TRUTH and knowledge. Also, a fallacy I fell for was the idea that we need a transition period out of government, but the truth is that you either see its illegitimacy or you are under mind control; this is discreet not continuous like the law of excluded middle. In no time, I returned to the real understanding of Natural Law and this put me back on track with my original writing project, as the knowledge I had gained had been tested and put to the flames and what was true remained. My whole encounter with a sociopath, revealed Natural Law in operation all along the way. I had ignored my feelings to appease imbalanced thoughts and actions, and while I thought that I was in alignment to truth, ultimately I was coming from fear, fear of being abandoned and alone. Fear leads to chaos. Love leads to freedom. And the fact that I was literally incarcerated, showed the slavery of false love! My writing became motivated by seeing too many metaphysical errors on the internet. I needed a reason and purpose to finish what I started. And while I experience bliss with the event of mental illumination in the problem-solving aspect of my writing, especially of the metaphysical sort, I would not be writing this book if I didn't think it provided something uniquely valuable; I would just be promoting other people's work. And that is how Natural Law Activism began and I will still continue to do that too. So I am back at it and this website was created to make more meaning out of my work by openly sharing it in efforts to create real SOVEREIGN COMMUNITY where we engage and support each other!

Gender Imbalance allows ones Mind to be Controlled from without. A Balanced Mind cannot be controlled!

The beginning of Fine Arts at Cosmic Tech Lab: The Experiment of Love, inspired by my Sovereign Sister. While we engaged in a DMT experiment to bring us closer to truth, we got there with out it. I realized that I wanted to take my passion for scientific experimentation into art with the ingredients of PURE LOVE!

Sophia's Correction

Sophia's Correction: Inspired by the Sophia Myth of the Gnostics. Getting in touch with the divine feminine and returning to gender unity, healing the division and pathology that created the archons (according to the myth).

Feminine/Masculine Integration

ESOTERIC ART LINE. Muse Bill Church.

Sovereign Sisters Combat Moral Relativism

PS. In regards to my case, I have the right to extract plant medicine and use it. This inflicts no harm on any one and I own my body. The State is not my religion as I live under natural law and do not subscribe to their religious beliefs that are against psychedelics. And I do not subscribe to moral relativism, which is the immoral belief system that certain groups have the right to impose their beliefs on others with the coercion of violence. The State does not have the right to violate my Sovereign Rights and they have acted against natural law by kidnapping me, holding me hostage for three weeks and forcing me to stay in California. That is IMMORAL.

Wow. You stayed with me this far. Perhaps you would like to be updated with my writings, don't worry I'm working on my book and won't bug you too much ;-) Thanks for reading, I hope you gained some value from this.

Jana Esp. Writing/Art Updates

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